janela

reflections on being back...

2005-07-02T21:59:00.000-05:00

I've been back for a month now and Toronto is beginning to settle with me...I'm beginning to settle with it, to feel fine again here.

I'm drumming a lot with our Maracatu group here and this keeps me sooo happy and loving life. I have a job at a cafe, I have applied to grad school and I'm still looking for a place of my own, in which to live and reconnect with me, surrounded by my own four walls. But it's summer, so I prefer the parks around the city...I sat and ate some pasta under a tree, the sun warmed me, a soft breeze ruffled my hair. I still need a place, though. I can't stay with friends forever.

My oh my I want to keep the warmth of Brazil close to me. Sometimes unpredictable bouts of emotion overwhelm me and I sit and cry. Sometimes I feel I was happier there, sometimes I feel I was a better person there. Oftentimes I feel being back is a constant uphill journey...not easy at all. Though, I am thankful and I am glad to be here. I just miss being in Brazil. I reflect on this often and haven't quite came to any conclusions, if there are any to discover. One definitive answer is that I cannot know exactly to what degree Brazil has changed me. And I know I will know, when the time is right, how to use my experience to work toward social justice. Maybe I'm doing this in some way now, I haven't thought about it.

Wow, I missed expressing myself through this blog. I'm not sure I should create another or just change the subhead to be something like: "reflections on travelling, volunteering in Brazil and the post-trip journey"

Back in Toronto...

2005-05-29T17:54:00.000-05:00

...will write more later...

But for now, I had a great day in São Paolo yesturday, followed by the best ten-hour flight ever and a yummy breakfast with the fam this morning.

Went to the last day of the Massive Change exhibit at the AGO this afternoon. So great to see the video Rafa worked on, on sustainable housing.

Belo Horizonte

2005-05-25T21:48:00.000-05:00

I'm visiting Rafa's mom, brother and sister here in Belo Horizonte. They are amazing and we're having a great time.

Rafa's mom and I made an awesome veggie soup tonight after a long day at the market and at the salon (I finally got a haircut!)

We chatted and chatted over tea and biscoitos, as well.

If it doesn't rain, we'll go to the nearby historical city called Ouro Preto. In the evening, I get to meet more of Rafa's good friends...yeah! We'll grab a bite at the café were he used to work.

I'm soooo tired right now, so good night!

farewell

2005-05-21T04:30:00.000-05:00

We drummed a short farewell to me after my friend's show last night, at the José de Alecar theatre downtown. It was awesome - everyone had tons of energy and the crowd loved it! We assembled ourselves in front of the stage and then marched to the back of the theatre (backstage).

Gosh, though, I am sad. Saying goodbye is especially hard because I know I most likely will not see these people again. I will keep in touch, yes, though it's not the same. There are a handfull that I would love to hang out with more - especially Carolina and her partner, who I met last night. They're from Sao Luíz, Maranhão. It's unfortunate that I met them just as I'm about to leave.

A group of us went for drinks afterward at a barzinho (a little bar) at the side of the road on the UFC (Universidade Federal do Ceará...it's the free university) campus. The sidewalks and shoulders of the road were packed with blue patio tables and chairs. Some people even sat on plastic beer cases, because of the lack of chairs. There was a reggae band playing onstage nearby.

It was so great to hang out with everyone for one last time. I'll see Marcello, my teacher, on Sunday at the adolescents camp we're hosting in Icaraí (suburb of Fortaleza). He will teach a percussion workshop Sunday morning will bring his wife Marcia and daughter Dandara (I can't wait to see this little girl again!)

So I'm off to my last classes this morning - handicrafts, English for adults and children. I still haven't figured out the perfect gift to give these kids. If I give food, I want to give something healthier than candy, as they eat candy all the time. I don't have time to bake anything. Maybe I'll buy some pencils and attach a little note to each one. Whoa, though I'm running a little late if I want to do that. I'll figure it out.

Unexpected gift

2005-05-19T06:01:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday, I received Rafa's package.

It was filled with tons of goodies...a signed copy of Judy Rebick's new book (that woman rocks!), the book I put together before leaving for Brazil (which was so cool to see for the first time! It looks great! Good job on typesetting, Chris!), an awesome pair of orange shoes my friends drew on with blue pen, a pyjama set with names and handprints of my mom, sister, Rafa and friends Nami and Jes.

Wow, and what caused my jaw to drop was the video Rafa made. It's short video montage of memorable moments we shared (picnics in the park, New Year's, Christmas). And I was in complete awe after watching it. I have to describe this thing. The video's intro is a zoomed crop of the Brazilian flag in muted tones, and the white banner at the top says Love Rafa. Some hand-drawn stars drop from the top of the screen. Then the first image is a shakey, upsidedown one of Rafa's dresser with pics of me. The sound is dialtone and the voice of that telephone attendent who asks you to enter your code to check your messages. While we hear what sounds like numbers being pressed on the phone, the camera turns to film rightside-up and we see Rafa's face. It looks like he's sitting in front of his T.V. and then he clicks the remote.

The video and music and sound begin. The first image is of me toasting at my mom's place on Christmas Eve, 2004. The clips don't have sound. What we hear is two songs by Arnaldo Antunes (so beautiful!) layered on top of messages I left on Rafa's machine when we first started dating. hehehhehe...it was hilarious! Many of them are longer and in most I ask if he wants to go to drum class with me (that's where we met). I had no idea he recorded these! I was surprised, though not so, considering his crazy creativity.

So the images vary from him to me to my sister and I dancing and laughing and eating and shivering in the cold...my gosh, I had tears. Thank you, thank you!

2005-05-19T05:07:00.000-05:00

Here's a pic of that chocolate pizza...we returned to that restaurant a week ago...mmmmm...the servers brought different pizzas to the table.

I still have time...

2005-05-18T05:52:00.000-05:00

My goodness, it's my last week in Fortaleza. I feel sad to leave some pretty incredible people here. So I've been trying to squeeze in as much time with friends as I can, while finding time to plan classes (had my last computer class yesturday!) and the first aid workshop we're presenting today, set up for the camp coming up this weekend, study Portuguese and buy last-minute gifts.

Whoa...though I'm not stressed. I'm trying to enjoy the last bits of this time. Tomorrow and Friday, hopefully, I'll go to the beach. Friday night, my friend's band is playing at the theatre downtown. They will play sort of jazzy-electronic versions of Chico Buarque's songs (he's a well-known samba musician). My drumming group, friends who play with Caravana Cultural, will bring their instruments to play after the performance, as a sort of farewell to me! Gosh, I'm going to miss these people. I can't wait!

And I am very much looking forward to coming home to family, friends, Rafael. My time in Brazil has been one of the most eye-opening, challenging and profound experiences of my life. I'm looking forward to sharing these experiences, in some form, with my loved ones back home, despite my feelings of nervousness about re-adjusting to life in Toronto.

Canada, yeah!

2005-05-07T05:05:00.000-05:00

Cheers to my good friends Sutton, Kate and Lora who will be driving west across Canada, any time now. Wish I could be there, ladies, to sing along to Talib Kweli while taking in our country's natural beauty. I love you all and will be thinking about you until you arrive in Victoria, B.C. Much love, peace and safety. Have fun!

And if I have the day right, I believe it's my friend Jon's birthday today! Happy Birthday, Spice! Ah, I miss all of you very much.

No wonder I got sick last week

2005-05-05T05:27:00.000-05:00

My drumming teacher was in São Luís, studying percussion last week, so we didn't have class.

Last night, at our class, I realized how alive I feel when I'm playing music, singing and dancing. It's a nugget of info I knew about myself since I was a kid, though after one of those "under-the-weather" days, beating on an alfaia drum gave me loads of energy. Feeling the tree trunk hanging at my hip bounce and hum a vibrating echo every time I hit the skin with my drumstick carved a permanent smile on my face! I don't know much about music therapy, but I think this qualifies as it.

Hehe...and we played some afoxé (another Brazilian rhythm) that we sometimes played in Toronto as well. My teacher began singing a song in Yorubá (an African language). Everyone in the class was confused and gave up trying to sing the song. It's tricky. The song is one of my favourites that we sing in Toronto. I have no idea how to spell this but I will write it phonetically:

"Morou me mah
Morou me ma-yoh
Morou me ma-yohroh aba doh a yeh yeh-oh
Ah la joshum, oshum me rei rei oh 2x

É leh meen-a me carodoh 2x"

Seeing that I was the only one who could sing it, Marcello made me sing it in front of the class! Hehe...It was great, I sang only the first verse and we had a good laugh as while I can speak some Portuguese, I can also sing some Yorubá. I don't know what the song means, though. I'll have to ask Marcello. He speaks the language.

Ah, what a great class! Drumming is an important hobby for me and will remain one for a very long time.

Surprise in the mail!

2005-05-03T15:15:00.000-05:00

My mom is the greatest! Just got her package with photocopied ESL lessons and worksheets for class and a small photo album filled with pics of the fam! She wrote little messages throughout the album and stuck stickers on pages too! I love that woman. Thank you!

Update on little girl...

2005-05-03T15:03:00.000-05:00

Just heard word that the little girl who had the bichos da pé is feeling better. Her mom finally took them out. I don't know details, I just heard the news. Though I am happy and trust that this little girl will recover.

Thank you sooooo much to all those who shared thoughts, ideas and love on this blog and with me personally.

2005-05-01T06:41:00.000-05:00

The beach in Canoa is postcard-perfect, isn't it?

2005-05-01T06:37:00.000-05:00

Kristiane and I travelled 4 hours to Canoa Quebrada (Broken Canoe) last weekend. It's a gorgeous hippie beachtown. We're sitting at a juice bar on the main street (the street leads out to the ocean...look at that water!!)

2005-05-01T06:34:00.000-05:00

Hehe! That's me teaching my first English class a month ago. It's the introduction class...I'm shaking hands and introducing myself to little Paulo! These kids are awesome!

2005-05-01T06:30:00.000-05:00

On a brighter note, here are some pics! We just got a CD burned. This one is from a feijoada party three weeks ago with my drumming friends. The alfaia drums are lined up on the left, my teacher is playing caixa (in blue and white) and the girls on the right are playing ganzá. Living in Brazil is incredible.

Exhaustion

2005-04-28T21:40:00.000-05:00

I am absolutely exhausted. My mind is exhausted because so much has happened in the last little while. My body feels weak and I'm not digesting my food at all. It's so frustrating! I'm resisting going to the doctor, as a friend who had the same symptoms last week, waited for hours to hear the doctor say it could be a parasite, so without taking any tests, he just wrote her a perscription. Seeing a doctor seems pointless. And apparently, I don't even need a perscription to get medication (even antibiotics) at the pharmacy! I haven't been allergic to medication I've taken in the past, but I am concerned about having a reaction to anti-parasite stuff. So, I will talk to my partner's mom, a pharmacist, tomorrow.

But I know that I need to feel better soon. I'm drinking some peppermint tea (Celestial Seasons, I brought from home!) right now, just sat on the couch, talked with my housemates (and fellow volunteers) about this little five-year-old girl in the favela. Apparently, yesturday she was brought to the hospital. Her feet and other parts of her body are covered in large black spots. These black spots, I'm told, are tiny animals that bury into the skin and eat away at the flesh. I have no idea how to express this in English (they're called bichos - beasts - in Portuguese). They are quite common and if you take them out (with a needle) as soon as you find them, you're fine.

But this girl's mom (I don't know if she lives with her dad) refuses to do anything about it! She refuses to take the bichos out. She refuses to let anyone else take them out. The girl has stopped eating and, oh gosh, this breaks my heart and makes me angry. Yesturday she cried to her mom: "Mom, I'm full of beasts!" And the mother ignores her when she says it. She's ignored the cries for a while, apparently. The girl's soles are completely black. And some neighbours saw her condition and finally convinced the mom to take her twin girls (both with the black spots) to the hospital. A man in the community took them.

But the doctor, as many people suspected, sent the kid home, without treating her. He simply yelled at the mom to save her kid from dying and take out the black spots! Because, the child will die if these spots cover most of her body. I am appalled and sad and I feel helpless. Of course, the mother will not take them out.

So we've been talking about this endlessly in our house, trying to figure out how to help this child. I asked if the police would do anything, or if there's any children's rights groups around. No and no. A friend said the police might come over to tell the mom to take out the spots, only if someone went to them to tell the extent of the problem. I said I'll go right now! But then we talked about it and imagined that the other two children would be without a mother if the police took the mom away. I don't know what to do.

Oh gosh, this country can be so depressing. I cannot imagine living in the community in which we work and living with such indifference. I cannot imagine it!

A favela called America

2005-04-19T15:37:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, residents of a community in the Praia do Futuro area, east side of Fortaleza, moved to a hill right next to the Morro da Vítoria favela where we work.

These people took over the abandoned land, owned by the government, to create their homes. They used scrap material such as cardboard and wood and plastic to build their shacks. Guess what they called the community? America! Ah, god bless that place!

I could not get over the hilarity of it all, when I heard the name. There are obvious juxtapositions that come with calling a shantytown in Fortaleza, Brazil, America. Though the funniest part is that using this name makes clear people's absolute obsession with soapopera culture here. The newest and most popular novela (soapopera) right now is called America.

I think the action of taking over the land is important. These people need shelter and they are taking direct action to get it. And I'm not even sure it would be called squatting, as oftentimes these events lead to people staying in an area permanently. No one succeeds (though the police/military police may try) to kick them off the land, as these hundreds or thousands of people have no where else to go. This is how favela communities are formed.

I haven't seen the place yet, although I imagine it looks like the other favelas.

yoga, no!

2005-04-19T14:58:00.000-05:00

I just took the bus back home from the west side of the city. I was looking for a yoga class a friend of a friend teaches and couldn't find it. The map he drew for me looked super-simple, though none of the buildings he outlined had signs. After asking around, I discovered the Japanese restaurant was actually the blue building under construction on one corner. Maybe he assumed I knew this? Ah, I just laughed all the way to the beach. That's where I decided to go for a walk and taste a little of what I wanted to get out of a yoga class - peace!

I have learned NEVER to expect that getting around this city will be easy. And so, because I mostly walk or take the bus everywhere, I decided a while ago, that:
I shall not expect the buses to run. I shall never expect that when they do run, they will be on time. I shall never expect to arrive anywhere on time and will not expect others to arrive on time (that's an easy one!). I shall not expect the driver to pay attention to the road while transporting 70 or more people. I shall not assume that people will make room for me and my alfaia drum while on the bus during rush hour (another obvious one), in this case, I often end up waiting for a semi-empty bus. I have also learned never to expect that numbers, addresses and any information in general that you read in the paper or in a phonebook is correct. Oftentimes, these places no longer exist and the wrong information is published and republished over and over again.

Oh yes, and I am learning to not expect to have classes on the days mine are scheduled. This is the MOST frustrating, as I'm putting most of my energy into planning, so arriving at the community house to have the director say we can't have a class is annoying. Yesturday, we arrived fifteen minute before class to hear that the railings were being installed (basically in the same room as the computers), so we couldn't have class. The woman (director) couldn't call us, 'cause she couldn't afford credits for her phone. Today, thankfully, we called before class and again, no class. They decided it was the day to paint the railing.

So I sat down with our project leader to suggest that all work be done outside of class hours. We only have 1.5 hours of class each day! Work could be done in the afternoon, after the community lunch.

Anyway, I am having a good day...I'm in the middle of making sweet potato fries...mmm...with garlic, olive oil, salt and paprika.

I can't help writing about drum class...

2005-04-13T13:54:00.000-05:00

Ah, my percussion class last night was fantastic!! Such intense energy...my teacher Marcello danced around, flapping his arms around while slapping his feet on the ground, dancing coco. (Here's an example of the coco rhythm. I LOVE this group. They play samba de coco and are from Pernambuco).

And then Marcello got us to play and dance at the same time. HAHA. I could dance while I clanked two wooden blocks (I forget the instrument's name), but not while playing alfaia. We played some coco, samba reggae on the alfaias and then would stop to play - the same rhythm as the caixa (snare drum) - on the wooden part of our alfaias. Ah, it was soooo energizing! And we sounded the best I've heard us sound. While we played this way, others continued playing the smaller instruments. And we'd sing at this time too, so that it was easier to hear, as when we're playing the alfaia (bass drum) it's almost impossible to hear our voices. We tried lots of buildups (probably not the technical word) and fading and singing and dancing...mmmm...

We tried lots of different stuff. And this may be gibberish to many of you, though I will try to explain as best I can. I will look for a percussion glossary that I will add to the resources section of this blog, for easy reference.

P.S. We have a show next week and one the week after...YEAH!

2005-04-12T07:16:00.000-05:00

We took a two-hour long boogie ride along the ocean and thought the desert-like terrain (sort of like hills of sand) behind the ocean ... that's Kristiane, me and Kicki (fellow volunteers).

2005-04-12T07:10:00.000-05:00

The house faces these huge cliffs and canyons that lead to the ocean. And the beach is empty for miles and miles...at least it was on Friday.

2005-04-12T07:06:00.000-05:00

As I think of this blog as a scrapbook of my travels, it's necessary to have some visuals. So, here are some photos of Morro Branco, the beach we travelled to last Friday. Here's a picture of my dream house...notice the ocean to the far left...I will now post a photo of the scene in front of this home...mmm!

comments! yeah!

2005-04-12T06:21:00.000-05:00

Lately, when I was beginning to doubt my friends and family or anyone read my blog, I received two comments from people I don't know. Isn't that refreshing? Thanks for sharing your comment and ideas, everyone! It's great to meet new folks and interact with you in some way, even though we can't quite sit in a park or café and speak face to face.

quick thought on blogging

2005-04-11T08:43:00.000-05:00

I would love to write in this more, but lately, any urge to get my thoughts down doesn't include sitting in front of a computer. I'd much rather crawl into a hammock with paper and pen.

I will, however, update about my awesome weekend which included visiting my percussion teacher's class at another favela (part of another social project), Saturday afternoon feijoada and drumming party at my teacher's mom's house and learning more about Maracatù movements in Ceará and Pernambuco on Sunday. Stay tuned!

doggie dreaming

2005-04-06T15:48:00.000-05:00

We have a dog at home. His name is matuto and he's dreaming right now...he's lying on his back, paws spread, and is barking with his mouth half-open. It's a sort of muffled bark. And he's shaking a little. But just a little. Ooooh he's adorable. He's a one-year-old pit bull.

I wonder what he's dreaming?!

I've lived with dogs only one other time in my life, when I lived with a woman and her two dogs for six weeks, in Monton, where I completed an internship in 2003. So, the doggie dreaming is a bit of a novelty for me.